


the fleeting nature of raindrops

by loveintheveins



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Final Haikyuu Quest, Angst, Experimental Style, Introspection, M/M, Major Character Injury, Reminiscing, very mild hint of it, well an attempt at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 07:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15384045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveintheveins/pseuds/loveintheveins
Summary: Whenever they’re together, it always rains. He wonders how he’s never noticed its unfailing presence in the backdrop of their coexistence before. Then again, maybe some things only hold importance when looked at through a reminiscent lens.





	the fleeting nature of raindrops

**Author's Note:**

> Happy (late) birthday, Oikawa! I swear I love you, even if the tags seem to suggest otherwise OTL

_Remembering again that I shall die_ _  
_ _And neither hear the rain nor give it thanks_ _  
_ _For washing me cleaner than I have been_  
_Since I was born into this solitude._

**Edward Thomas**

 

 

Whenever they’re together, it always rains.

Strangely enough, that is all Tooru can think about when the first tear falls on his cheek, promptly followed by two more. He’s aware of how absurd the thought is, given his current situation, but he truly can’t help it. He feels dizzy and confused. Perhaps he underestimated the severity of his injury.

Numbness starts to slowly envelop his body and his eyes struggle to blink away the thickening fog besieging his brain. He knows Hajime is talking to him, can feel his chest moving against his side as he calls — shouts? — something, but his ears fail to capture any sound, preventing him from processing the meaning behind the words.

He’s lost all sense of time and space by now, and even the excruciating pain feels like a distant memory. It’s as if he’s falling into a silent, bottomless abyss, with nothing to hold on to but the brunt of his regrets. What he wouldn’t give to feel that pain again, if only to trick himself into believing everything would be alright.

Is this what it feels like to die?

The thought has him desperately searching for the source of the tears in an attempt to maintain his grip on consciousness, but he seems unable to focus on anything other than the trail of warmth that blossoms under his skin as they slide down his face, following an intricate yet invisible course.

Hajime’s tears come like a revelation and a confession; they are such an unexpected conclusion to their hateful encounter that Tooru can’t help but relish in the their wordless honesty. They make him feel that perhaps, in another world where Tooru doesn’t succumb to his greed for power and Hajime doesn’t hold his principles above the ones he loves, they would be able to stay together.

For some reason that thought appeases him.

But more than anything else, his tears remind him of the rain, and he wonders how he’s never noticed its unfailing presence in the backdrop of their coexistence before. Then again, maybe some things only hold importance when looked at through a reminiscent lens.

 

_He looks around and sees little Hajime huddled close to him under thick blankets, stubby fingers holding his own and whispering gibberish in a wavering tone. The storm assaults the castle walls and lightning cuts through the night, warping harmless shadows into monstrous figures. Even so, he is awed by Hajime’s ability to soothe him even as his own body shakes with each clap of thunder._

 

He’s suddenly exhausted and lightheaded. He feels arms tightening around him and Hajime’s voice gets closer, softer, but he can’t seem to concentrate on it no matter how much he tries. He feels a heavy weight settling in his bones and his skin is getting clammy, breath coming out in shallow puffs. He wants to stay awake more than anything else, but he has no energy left to fight it and he resigns himself to his fate.

He knew it was bound to happen eventually, but he hadn’t expected his body to betray him and shut down like this. He has so much he wants to say to Hajime, feelings he’s been holding back ever since he left the kingdom.

But it's too late now.

Perhaps he should keep his eyes closed for a while longer, save whatever energy he has left to try and see Hajime one last time.

 

_The rain is pitter-pattering against the windows, a calming sound that makes Tooru’s eyelids feel heavy, but every time his body tries to succumb to the weightlessness of sleep he is rudely awoken by a sneeze._

_Hajime chuckles, not even taking his eyes away from his book as he reaches for a tissue and drops it on Tooru’s lap, clicking his tongue as he mutters._

_“Only you would think it was a good idea to confess in the pouring rain.” He tries to sound chastising, but Tooru can see the slight blush spreading through his cheeks. He opens his mouth to argue, but Hajime cuts him off._

_“And don’t you dare say it was for the “romance factor” or whatever, because now you’re sick and I can’t even kiss you.” He huffs and holds the book higher, shielding his face away from any potential teasing._

_Tooru smiles as his eyes close again, thinking that getting a cold was definitely worth it._

 

He feels the sudden increase in the drops falling against his skin and opens his eyes, struggling to get his vision to work. He blinks a few times and sees heavy grey clouds rolling above, rain sprinkling on the ground and all over his body. He relishes on the feeling for a second before his vision is blocked again; only this time he’s met with all-encompassing green eyes.

_Hajime._

His heart gives a pathetically weak lurch and he feels his own vision swim with unshed tears. He tries smiling, which is unsurprisingly hard when one feels sedated, but his efforts are rewarded when Hajime smiles back and _oh_ , if that isn’t enough to open the flood gates.

He would never have guessed something as simple as seeing his face up close one more time — one _last_ time, he reminds himself — would make him so happy, but he was too relieved to even try and hold back. He hadn’t felt anything but sorrow and regret in such long time, so getting a reprieve, if only for a moment, was more than what he felt he deserved.

Hajime holds him closer, one hand combing through his hair while the other caresses his cheek and he murmurs under his breath. Tooru desperately wants his ears to stop ringing so he can hear his voice again, but he’s also deeply aware of how lucky he is to even get Hajime at all, however briefly.

His mind drifts for a second and it’s enough for more memories to start flooding in. He fights with every last scrap of strength he has to keep his eyes focused and in the present. It’s a futile attempt though, and they flutter closed again.

He knows it won’t be long now.

 

_He’s in the clearing behind the castle walls, damp grass under his feet and rain pelting down against his skin. He’d ran after Hajime in a rage, hands balled into fists and ready to start a fight. Until he’d turned around. Hajime had looked so hurt, so defeated, that Tooru could do nothing but watch as he practically spat his outrage over Tooru’s actions._

_Tooru had desperately wanted to apologise and beg for him to stay, but his pride would never have allowed such a thing. So he’d simply stood there as Hajime turned around and walked away from him — from_ them _— without looking back._

_He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but he’s still sat on the same spot, letting the cold raindrops soak him to the bone. He’s never felt this empty before._

 

A slight pressure against his chest brings him back, and more tears fall on his cheeks; at this point Tooru can’t tell the difference between Hajime’s and his own anymore. A few catch on his lips while others continue their journey until they disappear below his chin, washing his face from all the dirt and grime of the battlefield. If only they could cleanse his soul from sin.

He manages to open his eyes once more, but he can tell it’s for the last time, can feel his body shutting down and fighting to drag his unwilling mind with it. Still, he stubbornly blinks the tears away and stares at Hajime’s face like he can commit it to memory and take it safely with him to wherever it is he will go next.

He doesn’t know how, but Hajime seems to understand that the time has come. His mouth wobbles but he doesn’t falter, cupping Tooru’s cheeks and bending down to press a light kiss against his lips. It only lasts for a moment and then Hajime is pulling back, seemingly unable to hold back his tears.

Tooru feels the sudden urge to say something, _anything_. He can’t leave before that. He needs to let Hajime know how much he regrets every decision he’s made that led him down this path of senseless destruction and away from him. But before he can say anything his body seems to take pity on him and his hearing tunes in again for a second, before fading out again.

It happens too fast and Tooru wants to scream at how unfair the world is for denying him his last opportunity to bask in Hajime’s voice, but it had been just enough for him to hear Hajime whisper in a hoarse tone, voice cracking.

“I love you.”

It’s enough. After everything, he thinks it’s _more_ than enough.

Tooru feels the final shreds of resistance melting away from his body and let’s his mind be engulfed by darkness one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Shout at me about iwaoi on [tumblr](https://loveintheveins.tumblr.com/).


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